Here is a script that closely follows conversations I’ve had with each of my three (now) adult children when they learned to drive.

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Dad/myMOpd: Hey, do you have a few minutes? I wanted to talk about something important regarding driving. It’s not a lecture, just some “real world” advice I want to give you from my time as an adult, an ACLU lawyer, and public defender.

Son: Am I in trouble?

Dad/myMOpd: No, not at all. You’re doing great. But now that you’re out on the road, there’s a specific scenario I want to make sure you know how to handle. If you ever get pulled over by the police, and the officer asks you, “Do you mind if I look in the trunk?” or “Can I search your car?”… I want you to say “No.” And I want you do so firmly but respectfully.

Son: Wait, really? Just straight up say, “No”? Isn’t that going to make them mad or make me look super guilty?

Dad/myMOpd: It’s a completely fair question, and honestly, it’s why most people just say yes. But here is the truth: saying no is your constitutional right under the Fourth Amendment. You can be completely polite about it. You just say, “Officer, I know you’re just doing your job, but I do not consent to any searches.”

Son: But if I have nothing to hide, why does it matter? If the car is clean, shouldn’t I just let them look so I can leave faster?

Dad/myMOpd:: I get why it seems that way, but it actually works the opposite way.

First, consenting to a search never speeds things up; it guarantees you’ll be sitting on the curb for a lot longer while they go through everything.

Second, you don’t always know what’s in the car. What if a friend rode with you and dropped something illegal under the seat? Once you give permission, anything they find—even if it’s not yours, or even if it’s a total misunderstanding—is on you.

I had a client once who was driving her Mom’s car. Her Mom had a prescription for Xanax and one pill was under the driver’s seat. The officer found it after this college-age client said, “OK” when the officer asked if he could search the car. My client was charged with a felony, and faced 7 years in prison, for that single pill. I was able to get the case dismissed, but she never would have been charged if she had simply said “No” when she was asked if the officer could search the car.

Son: Okay, that makes sense. But what if they get aggressive or say, “If you have nothing to hide, you shouldn’t care”? What do I say then?

Dad/myMOpd: You stay completely calm, keep your hands on the steering wheel, and repeat yourself like a broken record. You say, “I understand, sir, but my parents taught me to never consent to a search without a warrant.” Blame it on me! I am giving you full permission to make me the bad guy.

Son: (Laughs a little) Okay, “Blame Mom/Dad.” Got it.

Dad/myMOpd: You should know how to blame us. Sometimes I see body or dashcam footage where the young driver says, “it is my parent’s car.” The officers always say that “OK, but you are driving it and you can give consent to search it.” And the officer is right. You can consent even if it is not your car. So that is really not pointing “blame” towards us.

You should not get into a conversation about this by “blaming” the fact that you do not own the car. Immediately and firmly say, “I do not consent to any searches.” And if the officer asks “why?” then you can say “my Dad told me” or better yet “my Dad taught me” to never consent to searches to protect your rights.

Son: But wait, can they just search it anyway if I say no?

Dad/myMOpd: If they have a legal reason—what the law calls “probable cause”—they can search it regardless of what you say. For example, if they see something illegal sitting out in plain sight on the passenger seat, or if they smell something. But if they have to ask for your permission, it usually means they don’t have a legal reason to do it without your consent. Don’t give them a free pass. Let them know you know your rights.

Son: What if they threaten to call the K-9 unit or bring in drug dogs because I said no? I’ve even heard stories that police can encourage their dogs to scratch a car during the sniff to punish those who say “no.”

Dad/myMOpd: They might try to scare you into giving in. If they say that, you still don’t consent.

And you can’t worry that officer might scratch your car if you assert your rights. People can always sue later.

At the time they ask you to search, it is important for you to ask a very specific question: “Officer, am I free to go, or am I being detained?”

By law, they aren’t allowed to prolong a normal traffic stop past the time it takes to write a ticket just to wait for a dog to arrive. Keep your cool, don’t argue, don’t get angry. Just stick to the script.

If he says you are free to go. Go. If he says you are detained follow his instructions and do so respectfully.

Son: Wow. Okay. So… keep my hands visible, be polite, say no to the search, and ask if I’m free to go?

Dad/myMOpd: Exactly. You can be the most polite person they pull over all day while still protecting yourself. I trust you, but I need you to promise me that you’ll protect your rights out there. Deal?

Son: Deal. Thanks Dad

Key Takeaways:

• Politeness is a shield: Refusing a search isn’t a confrontation; it’s a legal statement. Never be argumentative or disrespectful.
• The Magic Phrase: “I do not consent to any searches.”
• The Safety Valve: “Am I free to go, or am I being detained?”